She circled the parking lot once before, the fact that she made it into the parking lot I think says a lot.
Tonight she parked her car, parked it, as anxiety ran all over her she rang in a friend.
“This is is unreal this is surreal, I’m crawling out of my skin!”
Breathe, take a deep breath!
So she did.
I used to sit alone and eat and drink and dream all the time.
I went on a couples only tour of Italy as a single College girl.
Went to a quiet little coffee shop in Venice and admired the birds fly over the majestic St. Mark’s Basilica.
I was a dream weaver, an adventure rider, a passion seeker, a wing glider!
“What is this person? It’s not me and by hell, high hell of all hells it won’t be.” She pumped herself up as she drove to the furthest parking spot from the door. (Breathe, it’s not going to kill you.)
Today she parked her car, she placed her silly poof of a hat on her very pretty head and today she marched, with her friend on her phone and in her ear, all the way yo the fucking door!
Damn it, Why is it so hard to enter the bar at a Chilies’ in town, who am I, she thought, who have I become, she questioned, how did I get this lost from my path to righteousness?
She asked to be seated at the bar, at first all she wanted was a corner booth, so maybe she could hide, just enough to pretend she wasn’t alone in a bar, in a booth in town.
But there wasn’t one, she had a table for seven, at the corner, where the light was the brightest, like a corner shelf where they display all the trophies.
They should of called “table of seven, party of one!”
“That table it just for you?”
“Just, you?”
The questions had no judgement, more of an applaud, she noticed, these women who sat her, respected her.
She wasn’t looking for respect, she was looking for a minute of centering, of freedom, of thinking outside the fucking box for once. Baby steps she thought, check and check mate on a sexy night alone.
Damn, she ordered a beer, some salad and wrote her little heart out, the room because noice and the light was the perfect brightens to make her little heart content. She ordered desert to go and though, well hell what’s next!
Maybe next time a second beer and a well deserved bar side desert!
It’s a strange growing pain, adulthood, especially when the path you were following so very closely so very faithfully ,broke!
She thought of the times she spent there at this Chillies’ with her family, the one family she built,she though of how lost she got in it all.
She though of how inferior it made her feel, then, to be his wife, and she though of the pain, of being by his side.
This the new growing pain, of living a better, freer, dream filled life, again, was welcomed.
“Dreams are for dreamers he’d say, for kids, for now we must work hard and stop dreaming!” He’d said.
“Silly!” She though.
I am a dreamer, and one of the best, I am a poet, and a lover, what a great mix.
I have no fear the older I get, wait until I reach a new vibration, mmmmmm I’ll be your real threat.
Open your mind little ones, open your heart, and stop thinking you can’t you won’t and you shan’t..
Growing pains, let them in, grow, vibrate higher, love, hope, passion forward!
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